Rachel Atterholt has been a part of circle for a couple of years, now, watching my slow descent into madness on Facebook with great interest, and apparent glee. She is an up and coming writer, an actress, a poster of memes.
She recently did me the honor of sitting down to answer some questions about her life and career. I’m sure you’ll find this as interesting as I did.
First of all, tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? Where do you live now? What did you wanna be when you grew up?
I'm born and raised and I'm still living in Fort Worth, Texas. I always wanted to be a writer. Like, the very first thing when they asked me when I was like five years old, they're like, “what do you wanna be?” And I remember all the other kids being like, “oh, I wanna be a princess or a pirate,” or, you know, whatever. And I was like, “no, I, I would like to be a writer.” Like, from the very beginning I was like, “I would like to write books.” And I think my first little stories I wrote was even at eight.
I've been writing for about 20 years now. Actual professionally writing, I guess I could say no, about 15 years. I mean, professionally, I guess I know people quantify it as like, “oh, you're not professional unless you're paid.” I kind of think of it as if it becomes your job, it, whether you're paid or not, it's still you're doing it professionally.
And that's what I've written six books now and I'm on my seventh. And I've written a handful of other things like short stories, poetry, etc. I try to write every day. I try to make it a part of my schedule, but sometimes creative burnout can happen. Especially being in other creative fields, creative burnout can happen a lot. But I've been grateful enough to be able to keep the workflow pretty steady.
What made you want to start writing and what motivates you to keep writing?
What made me wanna start writing was I've just always liked the stories and the imagination and stuff inside my own head. I've always liked to kind of daydream and dwell there and deal with all my characters.
I mean, with the brain that I have, being extremely neuro-divergent. I recall several times like being by myself and making up my own stories rather than hanging out with other people, because other people didn't seem to get me as much as I seem to like, get myself and I just always felt like I had something to say.
Especially as I've gotten older, I've realized that there are like female characters I've not, connected to. And so I'm not sure who said it, it might have been Stephen King who said that, write the books that you wanna read. So that's what I've just always done. I've just written the stories that I just wanna read myself and that's another thing that keeps me motivated.
The other thing that keeps me motivated, I guess, is just that if I'm not writing, if I'm not being creative, I do get very bogged down in mental health issues and the things that are going on in the present day. And writing is one of the many creative, the biggest creative release that I have that's extremely cathartic and like, basically like free therapy.
And I'm able to, um, put down what's in my head and what's bogging down my head. Uh, put it down on paper. And it feels a lot more, it's definitely creative relief for sure. Hmm.
What was your latest book about?
Well, the most correct book that I'm writing right now, that I'm about halfway through, is a novel. It's kind of been sitting in the back of my head for a while. And I'm not sure, I've not really known what to do with it, but because of recent personal life events, it just started coming like this full on coming out of me.
I was like, I need to write this. I need the cathartic release of writing this. It's basically from the point of view of the villain. And the villain and the hero are pretty much best friends. It's an anti-hero’s journey. And it's basically, it, it's probably the most therapeutic thing I've ever done because I'm throwing in every personal thing I've experienced and dealt with, and I'm throwing it into the story. Like for example, I've had severe back issues because I had scoliosis, and then I had scoliosis surgery, and that was very traumatic for so many reasons, and I'm putting it in here. Not that the character has scoliosis, but that he gets into an explosion in his back gets messed up. And so he has to deal with the daily pain of that. It's just been very kind of cathartic to just write down all of this stuff that really is in my head right now and that I've been dealing with personally. I'm like, he, you wanna understand me? Here it is.
Instead of writing like a biography, it's like, no, he, here is more of the simple terms of who I am. And it's just been very interesting to write a villain character because villains, they're not set by laws or rules or terms of morality, so to speak. Like they have their own thing.
So it's, it's much more, it's like, “oh, this is kind of fun to write a character that doesn't need to always do the right thing.” It's kind of enjoyable sometimes.
When did you start writing originally?
I started writing, um, like dabbling in it when I was about seven or eight, and then pretty like actually writing books, I wanna say, ten to twelve.
How did you come up with the idea for this book specifically?
I wanna say it's because I was reading a bunch of semi-anti-hero stories. And I don't wanna say I'm in my “villain era”. But because of some personal things that happened to me, I'm semi in a, what, I guess some could call a villain era. And I'm trying to be very, be very, very clear, I'm not saying I'm not being morally right, and I am a Christian, so I'm not being like, “oh, I'm doing the wrong thing!” I'm just, it's some personal things that happened to me where I just don't care anymore to try to be so polite and respectful, and I do all those things correctly.
And I was like, I've been taking the high road and letting people walk all over me for so long, and I'm not doing that anymore. And so it kind of brings up into my mind - again, the story was kind of in the background for a while. I've had the idea of trying to write from the villain's point of view, cuz they always seem to be more interesting, sometimes, than the hero. But I didn't really know what to do with it, apart from the general idea. It wasn't until, again, events had happened in this year that I was like, I'm just gonna write it now and we'll see what happens. Because I just felt like writing about a character that has always done the correct thing and has kind of suffered for it.
So yeah, that's more of the the kind of story I wanna write right now. Again, I have a whole series of a character who is the hero and who is always doing the right thing as a good person. And I was in the middle of writing book three, or rewriting book three, like three months ago. And it just didn't feel the connection to it at the moment. And so I was gonna take a break from it. But when I take a break from writing, I just get super, super depressed. So I was like, “I need to do something.” And then part of my brain was like, “Hey, just write this and see what happens and see where you go from there.” And I was like, “okay.”
And that's just how I started writing it. But yeah, I'm not trying to advocate for not being moral. Just like, sometimes it's easy, especially when you're writing fiction, it's sometimes easy to live out your whatever, you know, in the terms of a character in a fictional world. You're like, “this character is allowed to kill people, and I am not, so I'm gonna play it for myself.”
I think the other thing is me being autistic, so I kind of like teach myself constantly to respect the societal norms and things and to try to be “normal”. What people say is normal and, you know, respectful, polite, and do all these things. That's just not instinctual to me at all. And I'm trying so hard to be this normal person and it's not doing anything. So what if I just didn't do that right now?
So how was this book different from any of your others?
Rachel: I think it's different from all my others because I've not written from the point of view of the villain before. And I've written some anti-heroes. One of my series is just, is an anti-hero character, but it never so much in terms of straight out calling themselves the villain. Uh, usually I do write characters that are very, Take the high ground and are very morally good, but also societally good, and try to be normal. My characters are definitely, uh, do skirt society and things like that, and they're different. Again, I write characters that I wanna read about, but I've not written about a character that's not really followed society's rules and things like that. And also, I always try to divide myself from the characters. I don't try to put myself in every single character.
I know that there is the idea that since all the characters are born from you, they're all a part of you somewhere. But it's never been so clear cut, I guess, as it is in this one. This why it's more obvious if people know me and they're like, oh yeah. She's just putting in really, of all of her own backstory to this. And so creating a backstory is basically is her own. But it, it's been very freeing and cathartic to write about. Put it into and, and put it into actual words instead of it just being free floating anxiety.
How did you go about publishing your last book? Would you do it that way again? Why or why not?
I've not published yet. I've submitted some short stories to some contests and I've gotten runner up in a couple of them. I've always had the idea to do self-publishing, and I think I am still going to stick with that route because modern publishing, especially today, is just… and I've tried it before. It's such a minefield of things. You might do, especially in today's society to try to publish the normal route.
I’m a part of a writer's group right now that's setting up their own publishing. And it's only like six or seven women and they're just building our own thing. And I would much rather stick with this route than the normal route, because this one seems much more healthy and less anxiety inducing because I feel like if I just publish my own thing and if people wanna buy it, people wanna buy it. If they don't, they don't.
I give my stories out to my friends and my family and the people I care about. I don't really feel the need to push it to anyone else. Cause if people wanna read it, they'll find it. I don't have this, like, “I need to share this with the entire world” kind of mentality.
I just put it into words and put it into my space and my world. And once that's out there, once I've written it, I don't need to share it or, you know, tell everybody about it or anything like that. So I just share with the people that I care about and I've gotten obviously really good feedback from them.
But yeah, no. especially the older I get, I don't think I'm gonna take the typical route of publishing, ‘cause it's just, it's just so crazy right now. The things that are published versus the things that aren't, and I have friends who have written so much better stories than the things that are really popular published right now. I already have imposter syndrome and comparing myself to others all the time. If I really went down the route of just normal publishing and I started comparing my book sales to Sarah J Mass for example, it would just not be good for me at all. So I'm like, no, it's not healthy for anyone.
What are you working on now or what is your next book going to be about?
I'm absolutely going to write more. If I don't write more, I will, literally and figuratively die.
Authors or artists need creativity as much as they need, like water and breathing. So yeah, obviously I will be writing more, but I'm almost done with the current book that I'm writing - the villain story - and then I have rewrites of my book, three of my other book, of my other series. I have book four to write. It's supposed to be a five book series, so I don't even have four and five really written. And then I've got my horror series.
I've got so many ideas that I don't think I'll ever run out of them. Again, just like with this story, I'm right now, it just kind of springs up out of nowhere. So if I don't have an idea now, it's just gonna come in like here.
I'm constantly always gonna have something to write. I have almost my entire book of like homes done as well, which is, and it's just been a collection of stuff that I've written over the years, but it's actually become an entire book. That's how much I've written. That will probably be done eventually, and then who knows what we'll be doing with publishing? I'm hoping to start doing that this year, if not next year. That is the goal. So we'll just see if I can actually attain that. with my endless OCD editing.
I've rewritten my one book, the first book that I ever wrote. I'm on my 10th edit I wanna say, and it will be the actual final edit. But every time I'm like, “oh, this is the last one,” I think of something else in the book two, and that messes things up and I have to go back and rewrite it and it's like, this is what happens when you don't actually plot out your books. When you fly by the seat of your pants, this is what happens. You're suffering the consequences.
I'm like, “this will make it easier if I plot out my story” and I've written outlines, and then my brain is like, “oh, you've written the whole book.” Now I've written a few outlines of stories, and I've never gone back to write them, and I don't know if I ever will, because once I have the outline done, my brain thinks, “oh, it's complete. Move on.” It's like it would be so much easier if I could outline things, but I can't sell, deal with it.
Can you tell us about any of your other books?
So I've got the mainstream in writing again for most of my writing journey. It's called Full Moon Chronicles, and it is a hero's journey. It's about a. More of a young adult, “girl enters world that is not prepared at all for” and she has to navigate things having to be this, the chosen one archetype.
And again, it's writing the way the characters I wanna read. So her as a female character is actually not a girl boss. She doesn't know what she's doing half the time. She needs the help of others. Um, there's the character, um, who, his name is Slayer. He's the one that has to protect her and help her, and guide her and lead her. It's more your typical fantasy.
I've also written - it’s supposed to be four books. I've only written one and a half. It's a horror series, a vampire horror series that's much more of the, I wanna say, “rated R” terms because it's very, very violent. And it's kind of a post-apocalyptic world where the vampire hunter wakes up. They're a vampire now. They've gotta navigate that. They've also lost all of their memories. So they have no idea what's going on and they've had to navigate a world run by vampires. And I've written a western. Hmm. I just wrote a western novel for no reason, but I did so.
I've written Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy and uh, Western. And they’re like, “is there a fantasy - ?” Nope. It's just a western. I had a western idea and I wrote it. So there it is.
What helps you write? Music, pets reading, or a specific pen or something?
Gosh, a lot of things. Music. I have playlists for every one of my books. I like to - not so much when I'm writing - when I'm really in the writing zone, I like to listen to certain music. It depends on the character, the theme.
I try to get into the mood when I'm not writing, like when I'm driving or whatever. I listen to my book playlist to give me I ideas and things. But really, reading is very pivotal to writing. Because it not just like fuels you creatively, but also, well-read authors are a lot better than non- well-read authors. People that actually read know how to write.
So I'm constantly reading, taking notes is helpful. There's so many different things that I do. My biggest thing, I guess I could say is that I always write my rough draft pen to paper first, and then I type it up. Because having the actual pen in my hands and writing it on paper, it feels much more like I'm connected to the creative space than I am on a piece of electronic typing away.
Even though it's a lot easier sometimes to just straight up type it up. I feel much more connected to my imagination, I guess, when I'm writing pen to paper.
So what has writing taught you?
I guess without sounding too dramatic, it's taught me most of the things I need to survive. It's taught me how to speak, how to be a better person, how to navigate the world with the brain that I have.
Writing more normal characters has helped me to mimic things and it's taught me themes that I would not have otherwise. I mean, you can get it when you're reading. You can be like, “oh yeah, I love the found family trope” or whatever. But it's so much different when you're writing it because then you find the things that you connect to in the world and the things that you love in the world, and then it makes you appreciate the world all the more. And then also at the same time, writing has taught me that creative outlets, there's just nothing like it. I mean, it's the only thing that I do need to actually survive.
Writing has quite literally, uh, helped me to survive at times when I was not sure I would, and if I didn't have the thing, if I didn't have writing and stories to tell to fall back on, I mean, I would be just floating into the ether of not so great mental health stuff and without stories to tell. I personally would not be here. I need it to survive, but at the same time I almost feel like my stories almost need me to survive. It's kind of a coexistence. I almost feel on days that I feel alone or whatever, I'm like, “you know, you're not alone. Look at all the characters you have in your head”. So there it's taught me things that I wouldn't have otherwise gotten from the real world. Even from like reading or whatever. It's helped me navigate things and understand how the world works in a lot of ways as well. And I'm being like, “oh, I understand why this person reacts this way.”
It's important to continue to write and continue to creatively understand the world because if – and in a way it's almost like it everyone else almost sees the world in black and white, but creatives, they see the world in color and they're able to understand it in ways that most people can't.
And sometimes I look at people who, who don't dabble in anything creatively, and they do seem – I don't wanna say they're missing something, but they don't understand certain things. I'm like, “oh, why don't you understand that?” I'm like, “oh, Mel, it's because you're not a writer or you're not creatively dabbling in something.”
Do you go back, do you ever go back and reread your writing after it's been completed?
Oh, yes. Several times. Again, I write the stories I wanna read, so I do in fact read them. Of course it's hard to read one of my stories without, you know, the, the judgment and the, the editing and all of that. But I, it's gotten better. I've gotten less critical on myself, less harsh on myself. I gave myself more kindness, I suppose. Like “you've written this so long ago, you're fine. It's not as bad as you think it is. Other people have read it and they really enjoy it.” Of course, you're your own biggest critic.
But especially my first book, I'm pretty much able to read the entire thing without judging it. Which kind of signals to me that it's pretty much done. Criticize every single second that for complete.
What authors inspire you?
Tolkien for sure. Neil Guyman, Stephen King, Hemingway is a big one. Um, I've had a couple compare me to Hemingway. That's been a compliment I did not expect to ever receive in this lifetime. Hemingway's a big influencer.
One of my dearest friends is one of my favorite authors, which is kind of weird to say, but she's written stories that I absolutely adore. A lot of the classical authors I want to say, but probably Tolkien, King, Hemingway are the big three. I also love the writing of Plato and Aristotle and things like that. But that's a bit more of – I don't know what you would call it, historical.
Do you have any advice for writers?
I guess the biggest one is just to keep writing. Even when it feels like you don't have something to say, you always will have something to say because you would not be a writer if you didn't have something to say. You just put pen to paper and you need to find a routine.
You need to write every single day. Those are things that are important. But it's really not as important as just telling a story. So just keep writing, keep doing what you're doing. Something will come to you if you've not had something come to you in a while. Creative burnout happens to everybody.
Writing blocks happens to everybody. You can push through it. You can work through it. Give yourself space and patience and kindness, and you do not need to criticize every single thing you're doing. It is not as bad, not nearly as bad as you think it is, such as you'll be good, you'll be fine.
And it doesn't matter if you never share your story to anybody else, if you've put a something out into the creative ethos. You've done what you need to do.
Is there anything you would like to add?
Keep a lookout for when I do publish, I suppose, because it will hopefully be soon.
Do you have a website or anything?
Rachel: My website is RachelAtterholt.com. On social media, so just check there. There will be updates if there's ever updates.